Too far!

So Roberta and Carlos and Chip are still wigged out over this weird dream they had when the chaos demon got loose last week. And yeah, it sounds screwed up and all. But in the meantime, I think we have to do something about this pointy-shoe-wearing b*tch. I think a can of whoop-ass needs to be opened on her. Also, in retrospect, I think it was dumb to let them into our offices for the demo. But I suppose that's just hindsight.

Still, how many times do demons have to get loose in our damn building before we do something about it?! Anti-demon bigot that I am, I think we need a strict access policy. i.e. No non-employees get in without being checked. I don't know whether it takes anal probes or what, but we need something. And speaking of anal, I'm a little disappointed that we let Ken go without more, er, something. Wiping his memories, maybe? OK, that's a little extreme, but I consider it a high probability that he's going to be trouble in the future.

All this diapering talk makes me think that I really need to get out and take care of things now, well before September. Offhand, I would propose a late-night off-site to head out to Walnut Creek and kick their butts.

Knocked Up Again

So the cat is out of the bag now. I haven't been blogging in, well, months. I think it's because I was keeping things to myself on several fronts. The short form -- for any of the small, secure readership of my blog who missed the actual events -- is...

I'd been keeping a secret for a while, which I think was reasonable. However, Chip, who has occaisional moments of lucidity, thought I should tell Max, her being the love of my life and all. So in November, after dealing with the violent kids with video-game super-powers, I did. Long story short, I had a kid back in high school. I still don't like to talk about that, but I guess it's a sign of recovery or maturity or something that I'm admitting it now.

But the thing that's really news is that I am again in a state of bun-in-the-oven-ness, via the genius, magical talent, and donated genetic material of Max. I think the title "co-mother" is appropriate, but we're still debating that point. As for plans, well, we'll do like everyone else does. I'll take a bunch of time off. We'll have babysitting for slaying nights. We'll probably need a bigger place at some point but for the time we're living simply and saving. It's... I don't know. I mean, it'll happen one way or the other. And I happen to have the most brilliant, stellar, and talented partner in the world -- plus being superpowered myself. So, yes, I think we can handle this.

Coming Out

So I finally got it over with, though it took me over a week to get up the nerve. During which time, I kept thinking how I would prefer to be surrouded by menacing demons. But, you know, it's really about fear of the unknown. And for me, things that go bump in the night are all pretty much known, but this sort of thing is way the hell out there.

For the late-comers or clueless, I'm on vacation here in my hometown of Aurora, Illinois; and I just told my parents that I'm a lesbian. Whew! Naturally, Max wanted to come with me, but, well, my head might have exploded or worse. Anyone seen Punch-Drunk Love? I felt chilled and moved by that movie. I feel weird identifying with Adam Sandler, but that's some piece of me. Like I'd prefer to smash a wall in than be confronted over my feelings.

My parents have a lot of faults, and they can be pretty backwards, but it's not like they're violent gay-bashers or anything. They said a lot of stupid things, mostly just stupid stereotypes and ignorance, but it's not anything worse than I've dealt with before from them. But the big thing, which I guess is what I was afraid of, is just that they look at me a little differently now. Not bad, just different. And I guess I wanted it to stay the same.

On the other hand, it was painful talking to people I love and keeping secrets. I wouldn't lie, I'd just be non-specific or not mention it or say that I didn't want to talk about it. I guess I've gotten used to keeping secrets, given my situation. And I'd like to get out of it, but it's hard.

Real Estate

So it looks like we'll be moving to new offices now. Long story short: Roberta found a new location via this weird old lady realtor, but it was infested with zombies. Turns out they've been there for a while, but they just started getting used by this nasty bug-demon (Victor Roche) who had bought the company and was trying to squeeze some life out of it.

I hear we'll be out of our old place by the end of the month. Which is good, because we had this nasty problem of vampires who were lurking around our offices apparently with some plan to infiltrate or take over the company or something. Stupid bloodsuckers.

Oh, yeah, but the real question is: where do I live now? Should I set myself up in the new offices, too? I don't have an excuse to do that anymore, since vampires apparently can't get in or even find the place. So I guess I'm looking for a place... Maybe Miss Jagar knows apartments? But really this is about Max. I'm over there a lot anyhow, but frankly I'm chicken about moving in together. It's, well, I guess I have commitment issues due to my own screwed-up relationship history which has nothing to do with her. And she's been super nice about it ("whatever I'm comfortable with") but that just makes me more unsure.

Oops!

No, I haven't died. I just got out of the blogging habit somehow. In general, the summer's been cool. Max and I are peachy. I've been kind of slacking about the softball stuff, but well, no one really notices. It's a little tough living in the office, but I am more financially sound than I'd thought possible at the moment.

So Vampster has been getting damn popular. We've got a bunch of reciprocal deals now and an ever-growing user base. Max and I revamped (heh!) the message boards in July, so now they look cooler and are more scalable. But it's getting harder to spot the real vampires and the victim-stalking in the mounds of user data. We have a ton of new reqs, and we need more server space. I'm continuing to deal with the vampires in a find-intercept-stake pattern, and it seems to be making progress, but I figure this can't keep up forever.

End of the World, in brief

Oops. Oh, I guess I forgot to update my blog what with saving the world last weekend and all. I kind of wanted to play some kind of April Fools' thing on Ifurita and Chip, but I think Ifurita is still pretty shaky and so it wouldn't go over well.

Oh, so for those who missed it, we saved the world. So I got a call from Drake to meet him at Ben-David's house. But then Special Agent fuckwad comes to our offices all complaining about how Roberta lied to him and we were involved in Tran's murder and whatnot. Thus, Max, Chip, and I slip out the conference room window and drive off. We get chased by a ton of police, but make it there. There, and get this, Drake tells me that after he went with Mr. Screwed-Up-Vampire-Alchemist who then proceeded to kidnap Tiff and uses her to threaten him into bringing him Ifurita. So I'm just like "And this is your attempt to make me not hit you." Then he tried to talk some more, so I hit him.

I can sum up the problem in one word. Men. I mean, did Special Agent Overzealous bother to ask about why she had to lie to him. And the whole Drake/Tiff thing is just screwed up and he's way too old for her to boot. And, of course, there's Mr. Vampire-Alchemist who I'm sure was all obsessed because he couldn't get laid in real life. So while Anton and even Drake did manage to come to their senses, the source of the problem was their being fuckwads in the first place.

Anyhow, so there we are with police prepared to batter down are door for something fucking Drake did. But luckily Ifurita showed up and played havoc with the pigs outside and then airlifted us out. And then we laid a trap for Mr. I'm-An-Incompetant-Kidnapper, whom Tiff naturally escaped from without our help. So the plan was to have a bunch of fluffy illusions there which he'd try to animate instead of real cars and statues and things. I'm still a little fuzzy on the events of the trap springing, because we got caught up in this psychedelic reality-warping field. But basically we all started kicking X's ass. Chip messed with his mind, Max blasted him, I held him down, and then Tiff chopped his head off. But the mind-messing somehow caused this weird reality-distortion field and then it seemed like Ifurita was about to explode. So Chip grabbed her, and then Max tried to get them both out but she got stuck, and then I grabbed Max and then everything went wonky. I seem to remember seeing Andrea (i.e. pre-change Ifurita) and Ifurita side-by-side, and there was this feral-looking black girl with white body paint, and a mess of other stuff.

So I gather from Tiff that actually Drake saved us by sacrificing some magical gizmo that he stole. And he obeidiantly went with the police after, and Anton helped with that. It's not like I hate men or think they're all evil or anything. But I have no confidence in their problem-solving skills, shall we say.

Better Now

OK, after my little freakout yesterday, we went and have been doing research on what Tran (that's beheaded-super-ninja) told us, and things are looking better. Oh, and when I say "we" here, I pretty much mean Max -- who has heroically been comforting my emotionally screwed-up self at the same time as she is researching obscure histori-magically stuff. So it seems like Mr. I'm-Make-Driveway-Monsters is really Rene Xavier, an English alchemist who lived in, well, a while ago. So because he was all screwed-up in the head, he got all obsessed with his formulas and decided to become a vampire so he could eventually complete his "great project". Skip forward to today, and he hired out Dr. Ben-David to make his immortality serum for him (using Ifurita and other vampires as test subjects). I guess he wasn't so smart after all. Hah. (Don't take any of that too seriously, BTW. Max has the real research, but I don't want to interrupt her at the moment.)

And while we're on the subject, can I say how great it is having a SO who you don't have to lie to? Truth be told, I've never had what I would call a "mature" relationship. And with Max, I don't have to lie about how I am super-strong and kill vampires, or about how I love Voyager and Kim Possible, or how I take 20 minutes to decide which t-shirt I'm going to wear. It's all different and easier.

Saying Sorry

Sometimes it just feels really stupid. I mean, is there a point? Yeah, so I didn't do everything perfect. Do I regret what happened? Yes. And yet still I feel really frustrated and annoyed to say "I'm sorry".

So, tonight we went and talked with Mr. buddhist super-ninja. Yes, the one who had his head cut off. We (Max, Chip, and I) snuck into the temple he frequented to do the speak-with-dead thing. So there I am talking with this guy, who's annoyed at having his head chopped off and brought back for a chat. (Oh, and I knocked out the local priest.) So for a while I get read the riot act for what we did, and I apologize, and eventually he tells us some stuff about the bad guy.

And yet... I mean... what the hell? Here's a guy who takes our co-worker hostage and threatens us and chopped at Tiff with a sword (although in retrospect maybe she deserved it). I figure he's just as responsible as I am for what happened. But can I say that? No, because he had his head chopped off and I didn't. And of course I regret the whole thing, but what's done is done. It just seems unfair that after all the shit going around, I get the grief and the lectures and the finger-wagging. I mean, after being decapitated, wouldn't he want to help out getting the guy who did it? Wouldn't you think the first thing would be "how can I get that jerk" rather than "how can I make this girl feel bad"? I'm just trying really hard here and it seems like the harder I try it just gets me into more trouble and dead people bitching and your own interns going off with head-chopping bastards. So go ahead and call me a bitch for speaking ill of the dead.

I knew it!

OK, so I still haven't made complete sense of all this yet, but clearly the disaster I predicted is coming. So someone -- I think Mr I-Hate-Drake -- tried to break into our servers. Max planted some false info for the hacker suggesting that there was a meeting tonight.

We all went to the coffee shop to hang out pre-meeting, when Max suddenly gets a call from Laney. She says to meet her around the corner -- but when Max and I go there, it turns out that she's being held hostage by the super-ninja minion of Mr I-Hate-Drake. He demands that we back off. (To which I think, "From what?") At this point, I'm getting pretty fed up. So I ask him in the nicest possible way, "You and what army." He blathers some more about how mysterious he and his employer are. At this point I swing at him.

Now, I feel kind of bad about this in retrospect. He somehow duplicated himself and his super-ninja-duplicate cut up Tiff pretty bad before we took him down. He was really tough and super-fast. His employer Mr. I-Hate-Drake then showed up, but was chased away by a huge animated stick-figure of broken glass.

We take him back to the Batcave for interrogation. But damn super-ninja just goes on about how he's just not going to stop even if we let him go. He's some kind of pseudo-Buddhist fanatic or something, though that doesn't stop him from threatening product managers and slicing up interns. He does give some useful information that Drake was some non-human thing cursed into human form, and now he's trying to collect enough power to change himself back. I maybe should have seen this coming, but Drake then chopped his head off.

Drake immediately dropped it, and tried to weasel his way out of it. We argue for a time. The thing was, I was facing the same dilemma now about Drake. Here's a guy who's probably mostly evil. Do I drive a stake through his heart? If not (and it seems like it would be overmuch), then what do we do with him? At this point, though, the driveway comes alive, and a vampire sorcerer who calls himself "Mr. X" shows up to liberate Drake. The killer thing is, Tiff goes with him. Ack! Angst! Still turning it all over and can't come to resolution.

Dammit

Aaargh! I just missed our fucking meeting with Orkut to have lunch with a totally annoying schmuck. OK, he didn't really eat lunch with us. So we went out to check out this Buddhist temple at lunch because someone suspected it was connected with a ninja who broke into Drake's place last night. We didn't find out much, but some guy in a car was watching us. We followed him to a fancy hotel in SF, and the guy acts all nonchalant and comes to sit at our table.

He calls himself "Mr Cool" -- I'll call him I-Hate-Drake. So apparently he sends this ninja because he's trying to stop Drake from achieving his goal. So big surprise -- Drake's up to no good. But Mr I-Hate-Drake is so damn close-lipped I can't tell anything about what the issue is. I get the vague impression that Drake is some other-dimensional being who's trying to grab power (?). But it's mostly just gibberish.

The thing is, truthfully I would love it to be given an excuse to beat up the drug-dealing schmuck. But it's not like I trust Mr I-Hate-Drake any more than I trust Drake. I trust both of them much, MUCH less than I can throw them. Hopefully Max can figure this all out. I just wish I had given the lunch a miss and made the Orkut meeting.